Heart Beat Rushes

Last night I had a strange experience. My heart suddenly beated really fast; it didn't hurt at all, but felt more like thousands of butterflies trying to get out of me all at once. Then I felt a sudden warmth sensation rush through to the top of my head while I temporarily lost my vision. It didn't last long. Just long enough to startle me and scare me all at once.

It was kind of late at night when it happend. And as soon as it ended (as quickly as it had started), I said "Kevin, I am not ready! God, I am not ready!" because the first thing I could think of was that I had a glimpse of a heartattack.

You see. My husband, Kevin, died 11/11/2002 just 2 weeks prior our 1st wedding anniversary from a heart attack. It has been about 2-1/2 years since he has died and I have moved forward with my life. Blogging my life away since June 2004, has really helped me to sort through an array of issues, but the fact that Kevin had died from a heart attack and remember the symptoms that he had prior to the heart attack, I was suddenly doing myself a mental checklist of the symptoms for the next hour or so following the episode to see if I had any of the resembling symptoms -- and, thank goodness, I did not.

I also had a friend of mine who had had epileptic seizures. I was remembering what I remembered of her having those seizures and those symptoms, and (because I had some seizures myself until I was about 3 or 4 years old) I was doing a mental check list against those symptoms -- and, thank goodness, I did not.

My Uncle had died from a heart attack when he was 44 years old; Kevin was only 46 when he died from his heart attack. I am 45 and will be 46 years old on 4/13! The thoughts of having a heart attack were awful -- especially, with my daughter graduating this year from her high school. I sure don't want to be remembered as having died the same year she graduated.

All sorts of morbid thoughts surrounded my head. A friend, desiring to become a doctor someday, was online. I mentioned the symptoms to him and he assured me that he didn't think I was having a heart attack, but to go to the doctor's the next day. I assured him I would, but, honestly I never got around to it.

I, instead, talked about it to many of my friends. Some have experienced the exact same thing! Boy, was I relieved to hear that!! They told me that their doctors told them that it might not ever, ever happen again; but, if it did become frequent to see a doctor to monitor it and be sure; however, their doctor continue to gives them a clean bill of health.

Because my finances are very tight right now, I am choosing to believe my friends who have told me the same things over and over -- and never communicating with each other once; never knowing what the other had said. I am hoping and praying that they are right and continuing to move forward with my life.

By April, I am to have my Associates in Criminal Justice Degree from Kaplan University and will continue to attend Kaplan University to pursue a Bachelors in Paralegal Studies with a concentration on mediation. In May, my little girl will be graduating from high school and moving forward with her life into the college world.

My paternal Grandma lived until she was 88; her mother lived until she was 98. My maternal Grandmother lived until she was 89; my Grandfather lived until he was 96. So, you see, longevity tends to run long in my family. At 45 years old, in comparison, I haven't even lived half of my life. Wonder what surprises are in store for me for the other half???? Only time will tell, I guess! :)

It is said, from the Irish, in prayer that:

An Irish Prayer of Blessing

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm on your face,
The rain fall softly on your fields;
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Gaelic Prayer For Saint Patrick's Day

This, too, I wish for you.....

May you have a very blessed day ahead of you and for many years to come!! :)